Open Letter to the Woman Having Major Relationship Issues While Perusing Nerf Guns at Target

Sometimes life gets complicated.

Miles run today: 0 (rest day)

Christmas cards ordered: 100 (no, I do not have that many friends, but maybe I will by Christmas)

Cell phone received by my son yesterday: 1

Dear Woman Having Major Relationship Issues While Perusing Nerf Guns at Target,

I want better things for you. I have added you to my Santa wish list in hopes that your life will turn around.

Me: Standing in the CD section, deliberating about whether to buy the new Diana Krall CD for my father-in-law for Christmas.

You: Pacing the Nerf display, talking on your cell phone to someone who has obviously been much more naughty than nice. And not in that good, funny way that they print on holiday t-shirts.

I know lots of things about you from the five minutes I spent inadvertently hearing your side of a sad conversation:

1. You have nice hair. The fact that you took time to fix your hair this morning while your world was crumbling around you says something about how strong you are. Use that strength to get out of a very bad situation.

2. You care about some little kids enough to want to buy them the best Nerf guns out there. Maybe they’re your little kids, or your nephews or even some lucky Toys for Tots recipients. But I could tell by the way you looked at each one and touched it that you want good things for other people, even if you can’t figure out how to make it happen for yourself.

3. If you weren’t talking in a loud voice in a big box store, you would look like all the other women I know who have managed to find some nice, wholesome men who are nice to them. Contrary to what your mom might have told you years ago, not all men are dogs, and there are some out there who are still looking for women who take the time to fix their hair each morning.

4. It is not too late to get help. The simple fact that you are sharing your woes inside the front section of Target where small children in carts and people who blog and write newspaper columns can hear you makes me think that you are crying out for help. Please talk to a good friend, minister or counselor who will tell you to run, not walk, away from the man on the other end of the phone.

5. It is too late to save your relationship. Just before I ran to the frozen food aisle, Diana Krall CD in hand, your end of the conversation made me feel sad: “You should stop listening to all of your women who say sweet things to you and make you feel good and come home to me.” I’m going out on a limb and guessing that you may have had this argument before, in some other Target or Walmart or even TJ Maxx. Today was not an isolated incident. Please read the signs and move on.

6. Maybe guns aren’t what you need to be shopping for right now. Turn off your cell phone, go for a good, long run and eat some Cadbury’s chocolate. You will feel so good that you may forget about that loser for a few minutes. Hopefully forever.

For you, I hope that 2013 finds you back at Target shopping for a new cell phone with a different number. Electronics is just past the Nerf display.

Best wishes for your holiday season,

A Concerned Woman Who Tried Not To Overhear Your Distressing Conversation and Wants a Better Life for You